Pure Addiction
by ambruary
Summary: Ellie's life is a nightmare, or so she believes. Maybe there is just one thing she needs to get rid of. Just one pure addiction.
1. Family Matters

**Pure Addiction**

I silently crept into the e apartment that I shared with Marco, Dylan, and most recently Paige. I was really hoping I could get some cover-up on the new dark blue bruise and stitched up cut that adorned my face before anyone noticed.

Marco was sitting on the couch watching Saved by the Bell re-runs, as I quietly and quickly snuck by him to the staircase.

"Hey El, what are you doing home so early, I thought you were staying with your parents till after New Year's?" asked Marco.

_Crap._

I quickly faked a few coughs. "Yea about that …I got a cold, small migraine and my parents have friends over so I thought I would just come home and rest…" I said looking down with my hand over the cut and bruise above my left eye. I then added a few more coughs.

"Oh, well okay then, I hope you feel better." He then went back to staring at the TV. It's a good thing Marco is so gullible. I then ran up into the bathroom and took my jacket off and sat on the toilet seat with my head in my hands.

I had never had a worse Christmas, and that is saying something. My dad recently returned from being in Baghdad with a drinking problem. It was so bad there he had to find a way to deal with his friends dying right before his eyes every day. So he did what his wife did, drank and forgot. With my dad being able to drink himself to death my mom took this as in excuse for her to do the same.

They were both piss drunk when I got there. I was so mad at my parents, I started yelling at them asking them why they would do such a stupid thing. Then my dad started yelling saying that I didn't know what it was like to see a loved one die in front of you. I asked him what he thought I was looking at right now. He flung his arm into my stomach making me fly backwards into the end table. Then I felt his foot in my sides and stomach again and again. All my mother did to stop him was sit down on the couch and watch TV, totally ignoring what was going on around her. Then with one good kick in the head, it all went black.

When I woke it was 5:30 A.M. of the day after, Christmas, I had blacked out for ten hours! My parents were passed out on the two couches as I got up from the pile of glass and wood that had once been my grandmother's favorite piece of furniture. I painfully cleaned up the mess, and gathered my things and spent the rest of the week in a hospital getting the sprained wrist, broken rib, bruises and cuts above my eye and hips treated. They luckily fell for the story that I fell down some icy steps.

I sighed and rested my still sore back against the back of the toilet. My dad had always been the one person I could rely on, now I have no one. He had never hit me before, my mom had many times but when he was around I always felt safe. Now I was scared to death to ever return there.

Well, if they both had life threatening addictions that they could do why couldn't I? I went over to the shower, pulled out my purple razor, placed it on my left arm, and dragged it deeply down my upper arm feeling all bits of worry and anger dripped out of me with every bit of blood that dropped onto the linoleum tiles.

After the release subsided, I cleaned up the evidence. I covered up they cut and bruise with make up and put a bandage on the one on my arm that was still slightly bleeding. I then made my way to my room and collapsed on my bed.

Minutes later I heard the phone ring and then Paige opened the door to my room holding the pink wireless phone from her room.

"It's Craig he wants to talk to you."

_Greaaat._


	2. Calls from Craig

I take the revolting phone from Paige's hand with an eye of disgust and put it to my ear.

" What!?" I snapped,………….._silence._ Okay so I didn't need to bite his head off, but after the week I had and what he did to me I think he deserved it. I try again, " Hello?" I ask slow and questioning, hiding all bits of aggravation. "Uh.. is this a bad time?" Craig asks, uncertainty in his tone.

Answer A: " Of course not Craig, this is a great time, you see my dad just beat the crap out of me, leaving me with a bunch of cuts and bruises, and I've stated cutting again. Everything is just peachy."

Answer B: " _Totally ignoring question_ " How could you choose drugs over me!? What have I ever done to you except tell you to follow your dreams and become a rock star ? How could you choose Manny over me? I thought you already had a run with her….."_rant rant rant._

I chose Answer C, " I'm fine, I just have a small migraine that's it," I told him the same thing I told Marco," What do you want?"

"I'm not going to fall for some crappy story that you probably told Marco, I know you better than that El,… but I won't push it, anyway I was calling to apologize." Craig said.

"Well I……" I started but he cut me off.

" I know I don't deserve your forgiveness," _you sure don't_ " but El you are my best friend and I don't have too many of those. If it helps at all I'll tell you how I got so screwed up."He didn't wait for my answer, "When I started out in the music biz I had no friends and totally didn't fit in, but one night I found the whole band I was playing electric guitar for backstage snorting lines of coke. They told me it was the only thing that helped them make it big. So being the same stupid me I tried some, I immediately became addicted and totally dependent on it. After a few gigs of my own, where people, besides my friends, actually seemed to like my songs I was sure it was only the drugs that were helping me keep an audience. By the time I came for a visit I was so strung out I totally forgot it was a drug and was so sure I wasn't addicted, but after I saw how much I hurt you that night backstage, I knew it had to end. So Joey put me in rehab and I finished it. I am now the drug free goofy idiot best friend you knew a year ago."

I was slow with my reply, I was still a little mad, but I could tell from his voice that he was, _my old best_ _friend_ " I forgive you, but only because you actually completed rehab and stayed addiction free long enough to give me a call." I smiled, the first real smile in a long time, just now realizing my right ear had become numb from pressing the phone so hard on it.

"Thank you ,you really helped me out. Oh and Ellie I hope whatever it was that was bugging you when I first called turns out alright. Bye." And with that he hung up, and left me with a dial tone.

_ I hope it does to Craig, and I hope if ever do decide to tell you what happened, you can help me out as much as I did you. _

I went into Paige's room and put the phone in its receiver and started to head out of the room.

"Oh, Hun perfect timing I have a question for you." said Paige as she turned around in her leather swivel chair slowly, making her resemble a mob boss, all she needed was a white long-haired cat to stroke.

"What is it Paige?" I asked with a sigh as I turned around.

"Could you possibly go home for the weekend?" she asked, "I know you just got back, but I invited Spinner over and I just thought he could possibly, just maybe stay in your room?" she finished with a pleading tone and a Paige version of puppy dog eyes.

_No of course not, Spinner cannot stay in my bed and I will not go home! _"Fine, but make sure I don't find any spay cheese in my room when I get back." She smiled,turned back around and typed a reply to _ZeCheeseAnator_ or my guess, Spinner. _You idiot! What __were __you thinking!_

I headed to my room and sat on the edge of my black and red bed. _Well, I can't go home that's for sure. It looks like I will be going to the only place__ I know is safe._

I went over to my black painted wooden desk and typed in _Directions from Toronto, Ontario to Calgary, Alberta._


	3. Cabs and Calgary

Airports suck. That is all there is to it. You spend a bunch of money to get your personal items looked at and thrown around. Oh, and in my case, lost. I would have driven, but being that the piece of junk some people call a car, which I spent two years worth of afternoons working for Caitlin to buy, could not survive the 3,485 km trip, I ended up having to fly. So now I am at Calgary International Airport with fifty dollars and an ID.

I hailed down a cab at the airport exit at 7:34 P.M. I asked the female driver ,_thank God, so do not feel like being hit on,_ if fifty dollars was enough to get me to 204 Lathom Cresent

"Actually honey it comes to fifty-seven dollars, "I sighed distressed, "but since you look so tired I'll pay the extra seven." She finished, smiled, and started out of the airport parking lot. I smiled and drifted off to sleep with my head on the cab window.

About a half an hour later I woke to the stopping of the cab and Shanae's voice, as I found out was her name, gently telling me we had arrived. I thanked her profoundly and promised to pay her back if I ever saw here again. She said to forget about it, and drove off past the nearby park.

So here I was at Craig's apartment at exactly 8:00 P.M. on Thursday night. He had no idea I was coming. What could I say? Paige is sleeping with Spinner in my bed and she told me go home but I didn't want to die so I came here? Yea, that's a great thing to say the first time you see your best friend in three months, right after he got out of rehab.

When I finally got enough nerve, I knocked three times on the red painted wooden door and waited. I heard a noise I didn't recognize, followed by a series of metal clicks. Then the door slowly opened, when I could finally see Craig I nearly fell over in laughter. There he stood in flannel pajama bottoms and a T-shirt with a metal bat in hand. Craig may be crazy but when he tries to pull off that whole I could kill you look it is just hilarious.

"Craig, if someone was going to kill you do you seriously think they would knock?"I said trying not to burst out into laughter.

"Ellie?...Ellie! " he said excitedly, he then quickly put down the bat, fully opened the door, and pulled me into a hug.

"Nice to see you too Craig, but if you want to continue to enjoy my presence, I will need to be able to breathe."I said breathing in deeply as he let go.

"Sorry, it's just great to see." he said

"Yea, well let me in. It is January and we do live in Canada genius."I said with my arms wrapped tightly around myself.

"Oh, yea, right, of course." he stuttered and moved out of the way."Make yourself at home." _If I did that I would be finding either an elastic band or knife, I don't think I'll be doing that Craig, thanks ._

"Sure." I said sitting down on a worn-down, patched, chair. Craig sat in a rocking chair across from me; there was a patched couch between us.

"Sorry to impose on you like this, the apartment was just getting a little crowded." I started after what seemed minutes of silence.

"Oh no problem, you're welcome anytime." he said "So, would you like me to show you to the guest room so you can get settled in for the night?"

Just then I took in his harried appearance, sunken in eyes, unshaven stubble, and tired posture. "Sure thing. Then get some sleep Craig you look like a zombie that could scare Marco more than a bee." I said with a smile, I'm sure I didn't look much better. He chuckled then motioned for me to follow him. He led me to a small room with a queen sized bed and an end table next to it with a digital clock on top of that. I turned around to meet him in the eye.

"Go to bed zombie." I said and slammed the door in his face.

" Ha Ha. Very mature_Eleanor." _He said half laughing. I listened to him walk to his own room and close the pine door. I then took of my winter coat and gloves and jumped right onto that huge bed. It was the most comfortable bed I had ever slept on in my entire life. The only dreams I had were of Spinner and Paige redecorating my room with everything to do with spray cheese, including cheese scented candles, of course.


	4. Breakfast and Talks

I woke up to the very unfamiliar smell of bacon and pancakes, that _weren't _burnt. I untangled myself from the mess of plaid sheets, and then headed out to the small kitchen/dining room.

"Wow, the rock star can cook!" I said in utter amazement as I saw the five-star meal in front of me. There were eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, waffles, and every other breakfast food under the sun.

"Well hello there sleeping beauty, I don't know if you noticed but it's almost eleven, anyway I didn't know what you liked so I made uh…….everything? " he said a bit sheepishly "Dig in." he added as he sat down with his own plate piled a mile high.

"A piece of burnt toast would have been fine, but this is greatly appreciated!" I said gluttonously as I loaded up my plate with waffles and sausage.

After I sat down at the oak table I asked, "So Craig, how can you afford this place all by yourself, I mean do you even have a job?"

"Well, the rent, electric, and water bills are all paid by the late Albert Manning and his massive fortune, "I nodded and he continued, "and I have a part time job at the music store in town, I help stocking and I give lessons to a small group of kids on Friday nights, I have one tonight actually." he finished

"That's cool, I'd love to tag along. For me, I have a job at a small local antique shop, I hate it but it pays rent, so I can't complain."I said. He asked how everyone was doing and I told him about all the drama that ensued after he left, Paige and Alex, Paige and Jessie, me and Jessie, Paige and Spinner, Marco and gambling, Alex and Stripping. I told him Jessie and I broke up after I found out he had been cheating on me again, with _Paige, _we were over for good this time. I told him _practically_ everything, but I never mentioned my parents or that I had cut four times since Christmas, he didn't need to know any of that, not yet anyway.

We cleaned up and were in the same spots as we were in last night, only this time I noticed something I didn't before. It was a picture, of him and me. I picked it up off the entertainment center and looked at it more closely. It was taken when he found his old camera in Joey's garage, that day we were supposed to be studying for history. We were both smiling, and my smile wasn't a fake oh could we please get this over with smile, that you see in almost every picture.

"It was the last picture of us taken before I left, the only one where we were both actually happy." He said from behind my shoulder, I hadn't even noticed him get up; I was so deep in the memory.

I turned around and looked at him, tears welling up in my eyes. He looked at me worriedly, took the picture, put it back in its place and took my hands into his and asked, "What's wrong El?"

" Nobody's cares do they?" I choked out, tears streaming down my face, and looked down.

"Hey, where is this coming from?" he asked, as he lifted my head up with his finger and made me look him in the eye, concern in his slow steady voice.

" I mean I know everyone has their own problems and I don't want to be selfish, but is it too much to ask to be able to spend one night in my own bed without being shoed away, or to spend a _normal_ Christmas Holiday with my parents and have them care that I'm lying bleeding in a pile of wood and glass and it's their fault I'm there!?" I stood up, wiped off the cover-up and lifted up my sleeves and shirt just enough so that he could see the multiple cut, bruises, and bandages forehead, hips and arms.

"Oh my……." He came and hugged pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head and whispered encouraging things into my ear as I wept into his crimson long sleeved shirt. "….Everything will be okay El, everything will be fine."

We stood there for what seemed like an eternity. Him rubbing my back, as I cried…..and cried and cried into his shoulder. I told _everything._ I told about me cutting, my mother hurting me, everyone being wrapped up in too many little things to notice I was going downhill and about me being scared ever to return home.

Somehow we ended up lying on the couch, with him lying on his back and me on top of him with his arms around my hips, and we eventually fell asleep like that, because crying and comforting someone who is crying is very tiresome.

When I woke up it was 2 P.M.. I nudged Craig a few times till he finally woke up with his eyes bulging out of their sockets. "Wha…What's going on!" he asked and instantly sat up.

"Relax, I was just wondering if I could borrow some money to buy some clothes, because all my stuff was lost at the airport?" I asked him

"Uh…oh, yea sure." He said blinking a few times to fully wake up. " You can just take some money out of my wallet over on the counter in the kitchen and use my car too, and I'll take shower while you're out."

"Okay, thanks…for everything…guess we're even now huh?" I asked him jokingly.

He chuckled, "Yea, I guess we are." He said then headed to his room to get clothes.

I took the money and bought four tops and four pairs of jeans and then went back to his house. After I took my own shower I went out into the living room and asked him, "Hey what time were those lessons you had to give again?"

"Oh crap what time is it?" he asked as he came out of his room.

"4:43" I said

" The lessons are at five we've got to go." He said, then grabbed my hand and pulled me out to the car. It was funny to see him stressed.


	5. Lessons and Punks

I never mentioned how him pulling me to the car by my arm hurt worse than any cut I had ever made. He was so funny when he was stressed, he kept mumbling on and on about how he was going to lose his job as we quickly pulled past the park.

"Okay! That's it Craig relax. Have you ever been late before?" I finally asked him and he immediately stopped rambling under his breath.

"Once before." he answered

"And did you get in trouble?" I questioned.

"Well I got scolded by a parent who _had important things to do, _but that was it."

"If you weren't scolded by your boss I'd take that as a sign that everything was fine so relax we will only be late by a few minutes anyway." I answered reasonably

At exactly 5:02 P.M. we pulled into the Sawyer Music Store parking lot owned by Mark Sawyer.

Craig grabbed his guitar from the trunk of his old maroon Volvo, which Joey gave to him after he got out of rehab, and we headed inside the worn down brick building. Just before we got to the door we were stopped by a lanky teenage boy who was wearing Craig's signature leather jacket, a worn out T-shirt, faded jeans belted at his hips, and a black knit hat.

"Hey Craig can I carry your guitar inside for you?" he said anxiously

"Sure thing Jake," Craig answered, then adjusted the guitar onto his back, "go on in I'll be in in a second."

Jake hurried off inside with the guitar case almost touching the ground.

"Who was that," I asked Craig puzzled, "and why does he have your jacket?"

"He is friend of mine. He can't afford a guitar of his own or the price for the lessons, not that he needs them, so he just helps out set up and I let him stay for the lesson and I teach him after everyone else leaves." He said, as we headed inside.

The lesson went well as far as I could tell, and Craig didn't get his ear ripped off by any parents who only cared about the costs of the lessons. Jake had already set up Craig's amp by the time we got inside and just sat on the metal chair next me the whole lesson, silently sinking in every word that came out of Craig's mouth. All the other kids seemed to really like him and whenever someone made a mistake Craig calmly played them the melody again.

"Wow Mr. Manning," I said in a joking way, "You really seem to have a way with kids." I finished as everyone but Jake left.

"Yea, well when you have Angie as a sister you become a master at how to communicate with them. " He said. Then handed his guitar to Jake," And if you really want to see something amazing check this out." He said then pointed to Jake. "Jake play everything I taught today." Jake took a small blue and black pick out from his pocket and started to play. He played every note, from the first to the last, perfectly without stopping and without one single mistake, then when he was done he screamed, "Thank you and goodnight everyone, the name's Jake Carson and don't you forget it!" he yelled and then threw up his hat in the air revealing a whole mess of uncontrolled choppy natural bleach blond hair. He smiled gave Craig his guitar and went over and picked up his hat and said, "Thanks for letting me stay again, see you later Craig." and then he left. Craig smiled and shook his head as he waved goodbye.

"Weird kid," I said, "but he is really good at playing."

"He's crazy but you get to like him." said Craig, and then he asked, "You have fun?"

"Yea it was….." I stopped looking for the right word, "…interesting?" I finished uncertain.

"I know it's weird, me teaching, but after you get to know these kids you start to love them all. Even if some of them are just here 'cause their rich, snobby, parents don't wan' 'em at home." He said smiling and I laughed. We packed up his guitar, put away the rusting chairs, and headed back home.

_Home._ Funny how a place that I have been at for a day can seem more like a home than any other place I've ever been.

When we got there we sat on the couch and slouched down in exhaustion, not realizing that we had finally progressed to sitting next to each other instead of staring at each other from across the room. I glanced at the clock above the TV. 7:19. I yawned and leaned my head on Craig's shoulder and drifted off to sleep. Craig smiled then put his arm around me and leaned on the arm of the couch and also fell asleep.

At 9:21 we were both woken by a loud rapid knocking coming from the front door. Craig reluctantly got up from the couch and opened the door as I watched confused. Jake burst in and started pacing and mumbling,"…she hit again…. never hits my sisters…calls me a mistake… ….I don't understand …….dad left her… blames me…." It took me a few minutes to notice he had a bloody nose, was shivering, and he was holding was gingerly holding his left arm with his right, I instantly knew what happened, Craig did too.

"Whoa buddy relax, everything's gonna be fine, you're safe now." He said as he took him by the shoulders and gently made him sit down in the armchair next to the couch. Jake immediately stopped mumbling and stared at Craig then said, "Sorry but I gots no place to go, I was late getting home and then…anywayIranbacktothemusicstorebutyouweren'ttheresoIaskedMarkforyouraddressand then I walked….." it was all jumbled up and hard to understand because he was talking so fast, but Craig heard everything then asked, "Wait you walked," Jake nodded, "No wonder you're shivering, El could you please get him a blanket and pillow from the closet down the hall as I clean him up?" he asked and I nodded.

When we were all back in the living room, Jake wrapped in the blanket in the chair, Craig and I on the couch, Jake started talking again. "Once again I'm sorry for coming here but I didn't know where else to go, you're the only friend I can depend on and I don't have too many of those, I won't stay to long, I promise."

"No stay as long as you like, you're welcome here anytime, anyway abused kids are always dropping by at my doorstep." I thought maybe he was mad at me for coming here, but he turned, smiled, put his arm around me, and said, "And all of them are welcome anytime." He finished and I smiled gratefully at him, Jake was smiling too.

"Well anyway it's getting late and I think it's time for all of us to turn in." said Craig and then he went in to his room. I got up and headed to my own room, but was stopped by the sound of Jake's voice.

"Don't you hurt him, he's my best friend and I don't like seeing him depressed, he just recently started being happy again." he said.

"I care about him too, so don't you screw this up either punk." I said and we both nodded with a appreciation for each other. I closed the door to my room and slid into the warm bed.

Yea, he was a pretty cool kid once you got to know him.

I didn't have any dreams of Spinner and spray cheese that night, only a dream of Craig, Jake, and I starting a band called The Abused.


	6. Who will save me now?

It's over. Every bit of whatever Craig and I had is over. It's six A.M. on Sunday morning and I am on a plane back to Toronto. Craig really screwed everything up this time, and I really don't think I can forgive him.

_**24 hours ago…….**_

I rolled over as I and listened to the sounds of the nearby highway for the fourth consecutive hour, it was really early and I didn't want to wake Jake up if I went out into the living room. The silence was too much though so I got up, put on a t-shirt, hoodie, and jeans and quietly walked through the living room and out the front door. I sat down on the cement front steps and hugged myself as the cold, January morning nipped at me.

"Could sleep either eh?"

I jumped at the sound of someone else's voice, I thought I was alone.

Craig laughed at me as he stepped out of shadows of the early morning.

"Oh it's just you, I didn't notice you there." I said as I calmed myself down from the shock.

He laughed again and said in a more serious tone, "Yea, I couldn't sleep either, I just feel bad that another person has to go through what I did. It just doesn't seem right you know," I nodded, "He even has three sisters but his mother never makes them do anything and never hits 'em." He sighed, shook his head and continued in the same sad tone, "He told me about this book he found at the library, it's titled A Child Called It. It's about an abused kid who went through horrible stuff from age like five or so to twelve. His mother only abused him, never his brothers, and his father did nothing to stop her. She even stabbed him, starved him,and burned him, for no reason at all. A police officer finally got him out of there and into foster care, but still, it's just so messed up!" I looked at Craig in astonishment, but he was looking at the rising sun, a mix of anger and sadness on his face.

"How could someone do that to their own kid? I mean my parents are saints compared to that!?" sure my parent's lack of compassion for me was something but it still wasn't half as bad as what I was hearing.

"After telling me all this Jake said his life was just like that except there was no caring cop, I offered to be a caring musician, but he said no. He said if he wrote a book like this kid did, he wanted it to be worse so he could make more money and make his family feel awful." He looked about ready to cry and then he looked down again, when he rose his head up all emotion had left his face, but I could tell he was still hurting from his eyes.

"It's starting to snow we should get inside." He said in monotone then walked in through the brick red door, as I followed silently behind him only looking back to watch a few flakes fall.

I took off my hoodie and put it on the arm of the plaid chair and then asked, "Should we wake him I mean it's almost eight and he should get up soon." I said as I just realized how quickly time had passed.

"Yea, and tell him he can have some cereal or whatever he can find from the kitchen for breakfast, I'm gonna go take a shower." He then grabbed some clothes from his room and headed to the bathroom.

I shook Jake a couple times and said it was time to get up, he rolled over onto his stomach but that was it. I tried a couple more times but nothing seemed to wake this kid. I thought for a second, what would wake up a teenage boy? Then I knew.

"Hey Jake, do you want something to eat?" I said sweetly. As soon as I said _eat_ he shot up and said, "Food!"

I cracked up and then he looked at me like I was crazy and I said between laughs, "You should have seen your face!" and began to laugh all over again. After I regained my composure, I said, "By the way, Craig said to tell you that you could have anything you could find in the kitchen for breakfast, I am going to my room to change."

"Sweet." he said as he ran into the kitchen and began opening up and shutting all the cabinets as he searched for something to eat.

As he rummaged through the kitchen I headed to my room to clean up a bit seeing as I had to be back by Monday at the latest. All the things I had bought were thrown all over the room in piles. After a while of throwing things into a cheap suitcase I gave up and pushed all the clothes that were on my bed onto the floor and plopped myself onto the overstuffed bed. After a few minutes I heard Craig open the bathroom door, but he didn't head to his room he came into mine.

"Hey El," I sat up and looked at him questioningly as he sat down next to me. "I just wanted to say I am really sorry about the shit I have put you through these past few years. I mean the lying, the using you, and what happened with Manny. I've never been good at expressing my feelings, I mean you know you've seen me in group. ," he said that with a shy smile then started talking again, " Manny could easily show how she was feeling that's why I liked her, she showed enough emotion for the both of us, but we were nothing alike. You and I both hide what's going on inside really well, we both like the same things and we just seem to mesh, and it's hard for me to know how to help you but I'm willing to give it a try if you are." I finally heard everything I wanted to hear from him and headed in for a kiss as my answer,…..but Jake walked in.

"Hey Craig, I don't feel so good, I think it was that confectionary sugar I used in my hot chocolate. I think I used too much." He said as he used the door frame for support. He looked really sick he was sweating and wobbling a little.

"Confectionary sugar?" Craig asked confused, then his eyes went wide and he asked, "Where did you get the sugar Jake!" He asked in an urgent voice. He never did get an answer though, because at that moment Jake collapsed onto the floor. Craig stood there wide eyed in shock as I called 911.

We were all rushed to the hospital. I was so confused and Craig hadn't said a word the whole time he just had his mouth clamped shut and his eyes stuck open. I told the nurses everything I knew about Jake down to that book Craig told me about. After a few hours a young kind looking nurse came out and told us what had made Jake so sick. Due to the circumstances, and the fact that he was being abused at home, we could be told of his condition even though we were not family.

"It seems that Jake will be fine but has had a cocaine overdose. Do either of you know how he could have gotten his hands on it?" asked "Jane" as her nurse ID pointed out. I looked at Craig in shock and anger, and then he finally spoke for the first time since we were at the house.

"It was mine, I'm a recovering addict. I kept a bit of cocaine hidden away in a top cabinet, it was only meant for comfort I wasn't ever planning on using it. I'm really sorry about all this, I never thought anyone would find. I really care about Jake, he's like a little brother to me. I'm real sorry El." He finished and started to cry into his hands. Normally I would comfort him, but at that moment I was too pissed to do anything.

"I am sorry sir, but cocaine is illegal and I will have to report you to the police." Said Jane, Craig nodded his head and at that moment I stood up and ran out of the hospital, ignoring Craig calling after me.

I took the car Craig and I drove to the hospital back to his place. I quickly threw all my things in the bag and left as quickly as I could. I couldn't be in that house. I hated that house. I got on a bus and headed to the airport and waited for a plane heading to Toronto.

_**Present Time……**_

So here I am. Seat F4 on a small Canadian Air airplane. The flight just started and I am already dreading the end of it. We are hitting some turbulance due to the snow storm but i don't care. I really don't want to go back to that apartment though. I'll have a lot of explaining to do.

So for now I think I will just sleep and forget the world and the pain that life brings, for a few hours at least.


	7. Lost in Silence

As I walked in through the heavy wooden door, the sight before me had me utterly confused. There was Marco, Paige, Dylan, and even Spinner sitting in the living room, different phones pressed to each of their ears, waiting for a response. I listened to Marco when whoever he was calling finally picked up.

"Hey, Ash! It's Marco is Ellie there?...Crap!...What's going on is no one can find her. Her house burnt to the ground and both of her parents were found dead inside, Paige said she was she was supposed to be going home this weekend but……." I stopped listening and dropped my luggage on the floor.

My parents are dead. My abusive, neglecting, uncaring, parents are gone forever, and I am actually sad about that.

Everyone heard my luggage hit the wooden hallway and looked up.

"Ellie!" said Marco as he ran over and gave me a hug, "I was so worried about you, where have you been?" he asked then pulled away and looked me in the eye. I didn't look at him or even respond I just gathered my things and went to my room.

I locked the door and fell onto my bed crying. Everything was falling apart, including me. I heard Marco start to knock, but Dylan told him to leave me alone for it to really sink in. I just lay there listening to the events that occurred that afternoon. Spinner and Paige got into a fight about Alex _again. _They finally broke it off, and I actually think that they are finally over. Dylan had been accepted as a pro hockey player over in Switzerland and was leaving today. They all piled into Dylan's car and headed to the airport. They didn't even ask if I wanted to come. I would have said no.

After everyone left I was once again left in silence. I rolled over and looked to my calendar on the black painted walls to see what day it was, January fifth I started classes again on the eighth. I got off my bed and opened the doors of my closet. After moving around a few cardboard boxes I found it, my old CD case. I unzipped the case and flipped to the middle. There were three choices, a rusted box cutter, my compass, or a never used X-ACTO knife. I chose the knife, and laid the blade lightly down on my forearm. I then heard the door of the apartment bang loudly as it closed. I turn quickly at the unexpected sound and the blade dug deeply into my arm.

"AHHHHH!!" I screamed as the pain shot through my whole body like a lightning strike, then breathed deeply as the pain made my eyes start to gray over and immobilize every movement. I slightly heard Marco yelling and then I saw him over me as I lay on the paneled floor of my room in a pile of my own blood. He looked so scared as he was yelling to Paige to call 911. She came in quickly and did as she was told, shaking slightly. I then fell into complete darkness as my eyelids drooped shut.

I had no idea where I was or what was going on when I finally woke. It took a few minutes for me to realize that I was in a hospital. It was the adults in white coats running around with serious looks on their faces that gave it away.

"Well hello there, you gave your friends quite a scare. They'll be quite happy to know you're all right." I jumped as the sound of a woman's voice and turned to see an Asian woman of her mid thirties smiling down at me as she continued writing something down on a clipboard. She reminded me of Ms. Sauve.

"How long have I been here?" I asked wondering, I hope it wasn't that long I really didn't mean to do any _serious_ damage.

"Oh about a day and a half or so, your friends haven't left the waiting area since you came in." We tried to convince them that we would call them if you woke up but they wouldn't leave. The girl seemed like she wanted to go home but just smiled when the boy said they wouldn't leave unless you were coming with them." I could believe Marco would say something like that, and that Paige would want to leave.

"Thank you." I said quietly and then she left.

I looked down to examine the damage that I had done, it was worse than I had thought. I had stitches along a long deep gash that almost went completely around my forearm just after the elbow. It looked like it would hurt really badly, but I was sure I was on pain medication because I didn't feel a thing.

Marco and Paige rushed in the room as soon as they heard I was awake. They both had really serious faces on and I knew they thought I had attempted the one thing I had contemplated many times before, but never had the guts to actually do. So I said something before either o f them could utter a word.

"Just so you know I didn't attempt suicide," at this they both seemed to relax,_ a little_, I continued, "When the door slammed I was just surprised and accidently cut really deep, I'm sorry for the scare guys." I then moved my eyes back to my arm.

"It's okay Elle," said Marco looking anywhere but my arm, I think he felt responsible, "Anyway they said you could leave today, so let us know when you're ready." He said then he and Paige left the room.

When we all got back to the apartment I made a few calls and scheduled all the meetings with lawyers and whoever else I needed to deal with. I finished all of that in one day and all I got out of it was twenty thousand dollars, there's college. Since my parent's didn't have any close friends or family it was only me and my few friends who would be attending the funeral, at least I didn't have to deal with tons of baked goods, although that would have been nice seeing as I can't cook. The funeral was simple and short. As soon as it was over I went straight to my room, locked the door, and changed into more comfortable clothes.

The next few days were a blur. I would go to my classes come back to the apartment do my homework and then just sit there on my bed. What else was there to do? I ate dinner with the other two in silence and then retreated back to my cave, only leaving to go to the bathroom. After a while this became routine. The only thing changing was the expressions and glances between Marco and Paige at dinner. Every night they became more worried. One night about two weeks after my parents' funeral, Marco finally broke the dinnertime silence.

"Elle what's going on with you?" He didn't give me a chance to answer not that I would have, "We still have no idea where you went that time you were supposed to be at your parents' house, and you haven't said a word since the hospital." I took another bite of my piece of pizza. _Chew. Swallow. Bite. Chew. Swallow. _ He started up again more firmness to his tone this time.

"You used to use your sarcasm as a wall to hide behind, now you don't say anything at all. How do you expect any of us to help you if you don't tell us what's going on? No even knows who you anymore, you haven't even smiled since before Christmas. You keep everything locked up and you keep everyone at a distance. We could help you out Ellie, all you have to do is talk to us." He finally finished him and Paige both looking earnestly at me. I stood up and threw my paper plate in the trash and retreaded once again to my room. Marco sighed and put his head in his hands on the table.

I lied down and immediately fell asleep, only to be woken a few hours later by Marco knocking softly at my door. "Elle, I know you're pissed at us but some guy is here to see you. He's in the living room." He said then went down the hall to his own room. My curiosity took over and I got out of bed and went down the hall to the banister and looked over to see who it was.

_OH.MY.GOD._


	8. The Stranger Solves All

"What the hell are you doing here!?" I said with all the anger and hate that I had bottled up from the many years past. How the heck did he find out where I lived? My voice cracked as I yelled at him from lack of use for over two weeks.

"What, no warm love felt greeting?" he said sarcastically with a smirk plastered to his face.

"I would think _that _hello will suffice; now the question still stands." I said with a piercing stare, as I reached the bottom of the stairs and folded my arms on my chest in a defiant and enraged pose.

His smirked disappeared in an instant and he said "Fine, I deserved it, but I had my own reasons for doing what I did."

"Why didn't you take me with you when you left, you knew how bad it got there." I questioned him in an almost pleading tone. _Almost_ I would never beg anyone for anything.

"Elle…, I'm sorry okay, I … I just had to get out of there. I know I shouldn't have left you there alone with _her_…but that night when she flew off the handle and threw that bottle at me, I just had to leave. I figured if I left then Dad would come back and stick her in rehab and everything would be fine for you."

"Well you were wrong Connor; Dad never believed it got _that_ bad. He always thought the best of her, even if we had a whole bunch of evidence against her, he would always have this perfect view of her. All he did when he came back was move us to the inland and go off on another mission again. It was like this, one night I had a big brother to act like a father should to me, and to protect me from my crazy mother and the next night, he's gone! And I have to deal with her all alone for years!" I said as I refolded my arms in a once again livid pose.

He looked down, unable to meet my glare, "Sorry." He muttered under his breath. My glare didn't soften at his _oh so very heartfelt_ apology. After a few minutes he spoke again, his voice calm, steady, and just barely, you could sense a _bit_ of begging.

"Uh... I sorta don't have a place to stay while I'm in town, so I was wondering if I could-"I cut him off.

"Fine, you can stay here." I seethed then went to the hallway closet and pulled out an old scratchy blanket and threw it at him as I headed up the stairs saying, "You can sleep on the couch. Oh, and don't call me "ELLE", you don't know me any more so don't pretend you do." I heard him mutter sorry again as I slammed my bedroom door.

A few minutes after Marco came quietly into my room and sat at the end of my bed.

"So…, you have an older brother. How old is he exactly?" He asked as he looked me straight in the eye. I knew he was wondering why I made everyone believe I was an only child. I didn't look back at him, but I decided I would finally let Marco in on _everything._ "His name is Connor, he's 24." I answered and Marco looked content with my response. I could tell he was holding in his great happiness that I had actually answered him. I continued, "He left our house when I was eleven, the home front was a little rough and he couldn't live there anymore. He left me there and I am still mad at him." I breathed in deeply my vocal cords still getting used to talking again, "And to where I was over that weekend I was supposed to be with my parents I was at Craig's I wanted to see how he was doing. He is still a coke head and this time he hurt some kid with his addiction." When I finished Marco's eyes were wide, then they became confused and he asked, "Why didn't you go to your parents' house?" It seemed like it had been so long since Christmas, when it had actually only been a few weeks. I decided I would tell Marco all about my Mom lying to me again and my Dad becoming just like her, only worse. When he heard about all this he couldn't believe it, he had seen my mom's violent outburst at Sean's, and couldn't believe I had been living with two people like that for my entire senior year. When I was finished he said, "Wow, uh…..um, I'm not _that_ far in my psychology classes yet so I don't think I can help you." He said calmly then looked up at me with a small smiled. I laughed and smiled back at him. "Thanks, and tell your professor that you should be teaching the class, I mean if you can help all your messed up friends like me already, you don't need to take any more classes, Father Marco." I smiled up at him. "Glad to see you're alright Elle, I'll be down the hall if you need me." He said as he got up from the bed and headed to his room, but then stopped and poked his head back in the room, "oh and Elle, I think you should forgive your brother he seems really sorry, and if you forgave Sean for doing the same thing, I think you can forgive Connor." He said then popped back out before I could say anything back.

I sat there with my mouth wide open. He was right of course. I did forgive Sean, but it's always easier to forgive the ones you don't care about, no matter how bad the hurt you. Sure Sean and I had a good run, but deep down we both knew it was not meant to be. I closed my mouth and got up from the sturdy bed and walk to the door. I creaked open the door just a bit to watch Connor from over the banister. He looked like he was really trying to correct the mistakes of his past, not "the screw the world" teen I knew. I opened the door completely and stealth fully walked to the bottom of the old, wooden stairs.

"I'm sorry, for not giving you a second chance. I can tell you've changed and really do care about me. I hope we can become as close as we were, before those last few years that you were at home." He looked up at me shocked; he didn't even hear me come downstairs. After what I had said registered to him, a weak smile came over his face.

"I would really like that." He said calmly, and then looked up at me with a wide grin.

"Good, because I have a problem!" I said as I sat down on the suede couch next to him, "There's this guy-" he cut me off.

"Guy problems? Uhgg, I thought I got out of having to deal with this!" he said as he groaned, and I socked him in the arm playfully.

"Nope, sorry. Anyway like I was saying, his name is Craig and he really disappointed me by falling back into his addictions. Cocaine. This time, he didn't only hurt me but he hurt this innocent little kid too. I really don't see how I could forgive him for what he has done. I mean, do you see a way?" I breathed in deeply after I finished rambling. Connor looked confused for a minute, but then he caught up to what I had said and looked me straight in the eye.

"Yes, I do. You see you fell back into your own addictions too ,"I looked away ashamed, I didn't know how he knew I cut, he always did seem to know somehow, but despite my embarrassment , I looked back at him and continued to listen, "You hurt everyone who cares about you when you hurt yourself. So as you can see you both are the same. So if you can forgive yourself, you can forgive this Craig guy."

I looked at my brother as I mulled over what he had said. I _was_ exactly like Craig. In every situation we dealt with it in the same ways, we both had a destructive addiction that hurt our loved ones, we both were second best to someone, we both loved music, and…we were both crazy in love for each other. I grabbed my coat of the hockey stick coat rack and headed to the door.

"Where are you going it's almost eleven P.M.?" asked Connor from the couch.

"To Calgary!" I yelled over my shoulder as I pushed open the red stained, oak door.

I was a girl on a mission. I took every step with purpose. The only thought in my head that did not involve Craig, was the thought that these plane trips were really going to add up. Other than that small dilemma, nothing could slow me down. I had my whole mind set on one goal, and nothing was going to stop me from getting it. From getting him.


	9. Pure Addiction

It looks like my _small_ dilemma is a huge problem. I not only forgot my credit card back at the house, but it also turns out that with all the drama going on at the end of December, I forgot to pay my bills. Oh, the joys of being an adult.

When I got back to the house I had no idea what I was going to do, but then Connor walked around the corner, turkey sandwich in hand.

"Wfy art oo bag soo une?" he asked with his mouth full.

"What?" I asked, not understanding a word he just spewed out.

"Why are you back so soon?" he asked again as he swallowed.

"Where to begin, oh I know, I have no money at the moment and I can't get on a plane without money!" I said in a mock joyful tone, and then added "And there is no way I'm walking to Calgary."

"I'll lend you some…but I get to come with you." He said slowly as a devilish smirk appeared on his face.

"Uh,….what! No way!" I said, how could he think that I would just let him tag along.

"Then you can't go, all you can do is sit down and watch as time flies by, and I do believe your entire love life is on that flight as well." He said, with his evil smile still stuck on his face, sometimes I really hated him. I regretfully relented; he always seemed to have that effect on me.

"Fine you can go, but only under these conditions," He nodded and I proceeded with the rules, "One, you don't speak to Craig, two, you don't hold this over me and I don't owe you the money back, three, don't be annoying, lastly, no matter what happens, don't kill Craig. I know he's an ass, but name a _guy_ who isn't sometimes."

"Deal, but as for the third one, I can't make any promises." He said, then pulled out his Visa, flashed it before my eyes and placed it protect fully back into his pocket. "But _this_ stays with me."

We got through airport security quicker than I expected, it was definitely too soon as we flew over the skyscrapers that flooded Toronto. The flight was silent, no one said a word, and the only sound that I could hear was ringing in my own ears. The plane shook violently as we hit a snowstorm during landing. I got up from my seat and only looked back a few times to make sure Connor was still there. Once we were finally out of the airport we hailed a taxi and the last leg of our journey. As soon as my foot hit the cement in front of the airport Connor grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me around to face him.

"Remember, whatever happens with this guy, I'm there for you, Okay?" He looked at me softly yet with urgency.

"I remember what happened when you said that last time. You _really_ had my back then." I said sarcastically and turned away and I recalled the day that had changed my life forever.

_It was the first day of September and I started eighth grade the next day .My mom was passed out downstairs after another drunken rage stole her of all her energy. I heard her throw something at my brother when he tried to help her downstairs and I immediately shut my door and tried to stay as quiet as possible, unnoticed. I was sitting at my computer trying to finish up the report for the summer _

_reading, and all the sudden I heard my door open and close behind me. I turned around quickly to see my brother standing there with a bulging backpack in his hand._

"_What's with the backpack?" I asked him. He looked tired and way older than he actually was. I knew from the sad expression on his face that something was really wrong._

"_I'm leaving. I can't stay here anymore. All she does is yell or sleep and everyday always ends with someone having a new bruise or cut. I can't handle living like this anymore. I've got to go make something of my life. I'm eighteen so technically I shouldn't even be here anymore anyway." He wouldn't look at me directly as he said this._

"_Well I'm coming too, just hold on I'll be ready in a min-" I stood up and started getting some of my stuff together but he cut me off._

"_No El, you don't understand. I'm going by myself. You've got friends and a life here, and you're still in school. I have nothing here, there's no reason for m e to stay." He said and then he finally looked up at me, a single tear flowing down the side of his face._

"_What about me? I'm not a reason for you to stay?" I hated how pathetic I sounded._

"_El don't do this to me……..I've got to go." He said and then he opened up my window and climbed onto the old tree that we spent so many summer nights in together. He dropped to the ground and ran. I had never had so much hate inside of as I did that night._

_My dad came back about a month after and my mother and I had to tell him Connor was gone. . As soon as he knew, he decided that we would move and all act as though he never existed. It would be better if it was just the three of us, he said. He never believed in Connor anyway, from the very start. After Connor left, my mother made up for all the bruises he protected me from when I was younger. Every morning I would have to cover up every new bruise that appeared from my mother's outbursts the night before._

_That year was hell for me, but I just covered up all my pain with my punk attitude and a lot of layerings._

"Ellie, we're here." Connor shook me. I was in a taxi sitting in front of Craig's house. It was all dark except for the the light from the bedroom that was on.

The walk to the front door was shorter than I thought it would be. Connor told the cab to wait and then he followed me. I knocked on the door and what I saw didn't shock me in the least.

"Ellie?" Craig asked as he opened the door. He was high. His eyes were almost as red as his nose that had a stain of dried blood underneath it.

"I knew it." I said and began to turn around but he grabbed my arm before I could walk away.

"Ellie wait." He said. I turned around and tried to keep my emotions under control but the tears still came.

"What for Craig? You're obviously high. How could you lie to me again? You told me you quit; you told me that you had everything under control!" I shouted the emotions getting the best of me.

"I do! For once in my life I control everything that happens. _This," He_ motioned to his nose,

" This, is my control. It's not that bad El. Come on we love each other; why can't you just focus on that?" he said.

"No Craig you're wrong. I don't love you. I _loved _you, but not anymore. In fact, I can't stand you! Or at least who you've become. You use to take pictures, play music because you loved it, and hang out with your friends. Now you're practically killing kids, playing music to gain money to score some coke, and using your friends." I said and my whole body searing with hatred.

"Yeah? So what? At least I never slept with my boss or became an enormous sleazy slu-" He never got to finish because Connor had decked him right in the face and he fell to the ground.

"What the hell?" asked Craig. He brought his hand up to his face and rubbed his red jaw that was starting to bruise.

"I don't know, it just seemed like the brotherly thing to do." He said and examined his fist as if to show he had no idea he could actually hit someone that hard. I just smirked despite the tears on my face and pain in my chest .

"We should probably go now." Connor said and gestured to the cab.

"Yeah." I said and we both got into the taxi leaving Craig sitting on his butt in his front lawn.

"Sorry I hit him even after you told me not to." Connor said with a smirk still on his face. I knew he had enjoyed every second of it.

"It's okay." It was all okay.

Craig was addicted to coke, he was never in love with me. And honestly, I don't think I was ever in love with him.

It was just an addiction. An addiction for someone to want me, to love me, and to need me.



Just pure addiction.


End file.
